When we were newly married, we were in a Sunday School class with several other young married couples. We were all on the same journey, learning how to be husbands, wives and parents together. Thankfully we had lots of great help from a very special couple – our “mentor couple” – who came in and lived life with us. This was a couple, about a decade ahead of us in life, who attended our class, came to our events, taught us, prayed with us, and encouraged us. They shared important life lessons, and they reminded us that there would be life after the season of bottles and diapers was over.
One of those valuable life lessons was, “Take the Trips.”
I (Stacy) still remember hearing Dave give us this advice. It was around the time that his own son was becoming a young adult. Dave and his son had a goal of traveling to every one of the 50 states together and they were in the process of achieving that goal, a year at a time.
Dave told us how important these trips were to him and to his relationship with his son. He knew the season of life we were all in as young married couples, but he wanted to make sure we set goals that would benefit our families.
He said something along the lines of,
“You will always have opportunities to make money, but you won’t always have opportunities to form relationships with your kids.”
Dave was saying that life is full of things which will always seem more pressing, but we must choose to prioritize our relationships within our family. Taking time away from work to be alone with your spouse is critical for the health of your marriage. Just the same, annual family vacations are key building blocks that make up the strength of our family.
This isn’t just about having fun with the kids while they are little. It’s about building the foundation of your future relationship with them when they are teens and later as adults. Spending time making memories together and learning how to have conversations with each other opens the door to bigger, more important conversations later. But if you’ve never shown them that they are worthy of your time, then they aren’t likely to come to you when they are older.
Making these relationships a priority will cost both time and money. It is a sacrifice, and it is absolutely worth it.
If you are the money saver in the relationship, this might be a little hard for you to think of taking a vacation every year. You want to focus on saving for a house, or paying off the debt. Those are good things, but family is even more important. Think of these times and this money as an investment. You are investing in your family and in the relationship you want to have with your adult children one day.
If you are the money spender in the relationship, this is not an excuse to book some elaborate vacation without any thought to a budget. We’re not saying to be irresponsible with your time or your money. As a matter of fact, we’re saying the opposite – wisely invest in your family and you will have dividends for life.
The 2 types of trips you should be taking are:
- Family Vacations
- Individualized Dates & Adventures
Family Vacations
Plan one family vacation every year. Go and be together as a family, doing fun things together. Decide what works for your budget and your schedule, but make it happen. Whether it’s a long weekend or a full week or two, do what you can.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Life is Better Around the Campfire
For us, the times we’ve spent camping and hiking together have always been some of the best vacations. We spent many years camping together in a tent with sleeping bags and air mattresses. We did eventually invest in a travel trailer, but by then our daughter was almost a teen. You can often find camping equipment at yard sales, or maybe you can borrow from a friend. Camping fees are usually really cheap, and you bring your own food, so you don’t have to pay to eat out. Enjoying hot dogs and smores over the campfire is priceless! Bonus – kids usually sleep really great after a full day in nature!
Make the Vacation the Gift
When our daughter was 2, we decided to take a family trip instead of buying Christmas presents for each other. We were about 4 hours away from a city with a great zoo and a Seaworld, so we got a hotel for 3 nights, and spent 2 full days having a great time. We took plenty of toys from home, and the experiences were so fun, she didn’t even notice or care that we didn’t do traditional gifts. It was absolutely worth it!
Limited on Time
If you don’t have much time, then at the very least plan a family day or weekend together. Make a big breakfast at home, then go exploring in your local area. Go hiking, to a museum or whatever your family enjoys. Then go home and make a picnic on the living room floor and stream a family movie together.
Stay Close to Home
If you have more time, but can’t go too far from home, you can even do a full “staycation” week where you take the time off work, but don’t leave your area. Look for local things to do and make a plan for each day of the long weekend or week just like you were on vacation. Try a new park, go see a movie, visit a museum. You can usually hit up the internet for “free things to do in (city)” and find a lot of options. Focus on family time, stay off your phone, and make memories.
These are just a few ideas that you can try. None of these need to be expensive to make them special. If you are in a frugal season saving for a big purchase, or paying off some debt, you can still do this. In fact, you need to do this.
Individualized Dates & Adventures
In addition to full family vacations, spending time one on one with your kids is so important. Once a month or so, set aside time to take each kid on a date. Both spouses should do this.
Men, take your sons on adventures and take your daughters on dates (both the dress-up fancy kind, and the adventurous kind). Women, take your sons on dates and teach them to be gentlemen, and also take your girls out for girl time. Whether you are doing a high ropes course, bowling, or thrift store shopping – the important thing is to spend the time with them doing something they enjoy.
This one-on-one time allows for deeper conversations and also gives you a chance to explore unique interests that are special to them. Maybe one child would love a day of hiking, while another would prefer a day at the museum. Ask them what they want to do, and then really listen. The idea is to spend time in their world getting to know them better, not just bringing them into your world.
I (Rob) have taken our daughter on sushi dates since she was four years old. We started off keeping it cheap and would share a single plate and talk about whatever was important to her. Then we’d go home and eat something else to finish filling up. It was about the experience, not about getting full. Over the years, our daddy-daughter dates have included hiking, time at the gun range, playing chess, woodworking projects, concerts, board games and many great meals and conversations.
Make the time. Go on the dates. Take the trips.
Whatever you do, don’t forget to take pictures! Just a few so that you can enjoy being in the moment and save the posting on social media for another time but take enough to look back on later and enjoy the memories.
We all know that time and money are finite. We only have so much and what we do with each is crazy important. Most of us are really good at spending time and money. At the end of the month, we look back and have little to no idea of where our time or our money went.
Instead, we should proactively plan how we will invest these resources in our family. We need to plan ahead so that at the end of the month or the year, as we look back on our lives, we see our time and money well invested in laughter, in growing our family closer to each other, and making memories which will last a lifetime.
Taking the time to enjoy family vacations, allows family bonds to form that last a lifetime. Conversations that take place during road trips or while visiting a new location, open the door to years and years of shared conversations as your child/teen/young adult learns that family conversations are a safe place. As you laugh at inside jokes, share experiences and memories, you are holding your family together with something tighter than glue.
So, take the trips! Invest in your family now and you’ll be able to look back on a lifetime of joyful memories, but more importantly, you’ll have strong family relationships which can withstand the trials of life.
