You married your spouse because you love him/her, right? So, you should also like spending time together! If you read our article where we talked about the 5 Basic Needs of a Man, you might remember we said that one of man’s greatest needs is his need for a life companion. This is it! He wants you to enjoy a hobby together.
It’s normal for men and women to have their own interests and it makes sense that we would each have our own likes and dislikes based on our individual personalities and talents. Stacy enjoys sewing and making cards, while Rob likes geeking out with tech stuff on the computer. There is nothing wrong with having your individual hobbies.
Why should a husband & wife share a hobby?
For starters, if we spend all our free time doing our own thing, we are missing out on some incredible opportunities to connect with our spouse and to strengthen our marriage.
When we enjoy interests and hobbies together, it deepens our relationship and solidifies that we are a team. Spending regular time together sharing an activity gives us lots of opportunities for connection and conversation, which leads to a better friendship. Friendship should be the foundation your marriage is built on. Being friends as well as lovers and parental partners is critical to a long-lasting, healthy marriage.
If you have kids, then one of your common activities is parenting, but that can’t be the only one. The kids are important and more helpless the younger they are, but one day they will be out of the house, and it is absolutely critical that you and your spouse have a relationship outside of the children. If you don’t, then one day you will not even recognize the person sharing your empty nest.
A very sad fact is that many marriages end in divorce once the kids are out of the house, because the husband and wife don’t even know each other anymore or enjoy spending time together.
We also strongly believe it is important for your children to see you enjoying your husband’s/wife’s company. One of the best gifts you can give your children is to love your spouse well. Your kids need to know that Mommy and Daddy are friends as well as husband & wife. They need to see you laugh and play together.
You have to find activities you enjoy together and make a point to do them often.
How do you figure out what hobby to share?
A good place to start is by asking each other about your current hobbies. Maybe she would love to go to the shooting range with you, or he would enjoy helping you prepare fun meals. It’s possible she would enjoy watching football with you if she knew more about the game. Or maybe he would be interested in spending time in the garden with you.
It never hurts to ask. But if those don’t work, that’s ok!
Brainstorm some new ideas and then take some time to experiment and try new things. Discuss what type of activities you’d like to pursue. Do you want something outside or inside? Do you like physical activities or do you prefer mental stimulation? There’s no wrong answer. Just start somewhere and keep trying until you find one that works for you both.
If you can’t agree on something right away, then you both put 5 ideas in a jar. Each week, pull out an idea to try until you’ve tried them all, and then decide on one or put more ideas in the jar. You might find that you like something you didn’t think you would.
After you have tried an activity together, spend a little time talking about how it went.
Ask each other these questions:
- What did you like about the activity?
- What did you dislike about the activity?
- Would you do it again? If so, how often?
- What did you learn about me or yourself during this activity?
Remember, the goal is not for one of you to be miserable doing what the other enjoys. The goal is to keep trying new things until you find something you both enjoy together.
Your hobbies and interests will change over time, and that’s to be expected.
When we were dating and newly married, we were very involved in SCUBA diving and taught classes together. At the time we seriously thought we’d do that forever. We also did a lot of tent camping in our early years. As time went on, and our family grew, we stopped diving and spent a lot more time camping and hiking. Years later, we upgraded to a travel trailer so we could stop camping on the ground and have a few more amenities. We’ve always enjoyed playing board games and doing puzzles, but over the years our collection sure has grown and we now have quite a wide variety. At the moment, our main hobbies that we enjoy together include: board games, watching hockey, camping, hiking, and learning photography. Our plan is to take a cruise later this year to see how we like that, and if so, we just might start another hobby. We’ll see!
To get you started on your brainstorming session, here are just a few ideas:
Board games – there are lots of options from quick and easy ones to those that require serious strategy and competitiveness
Putting together puzzles
Train for a race if you like to run
Doing a sport together (golf, pickleball, etc)
Watching sports together (our favorite is hockey!)
Camping
Hiking
Bowling
Cooking together, or take a cooking class
Take dancing lessons
Gardening
Shooting pool
Horseback riding
Rock climbing
Archery
Shooting
Thrifting & repurposing furniture
Home improvement projects
Photography
Fishing
Birdwatching
Going on cruises
Frisbee golf
Learning a musical instrument
Volunteering
Visiting museums if you share a love of art or history
Make your own reading club – choose a book to read at the same time and discuss
Enjoy! Remember, the couple that plays together, stays together!
