When you speak about your spouse in public, what words do you use? Are they words that build up or tear down? Are they words you would want spoken about you? What impression are you giving others of the person you promised to love and honor?
I know this sounds obvious, but really, don’t insult or complain about your spouse in public. Unfortunately, this happens way too often.
Women will get together and begin to compare how bad their husbands are like it’s a competition.
“My husband leaves his clothes all over the floor.”
“You think that’s bad; my husband does this…”
Men are just as guilty. They will often talk about their wives in a degrading way.
“My wife’s cooking is horrible.”
“She messed up my laundry again”
I (Rob) once had a young man who worked for me tell a group of men how “stupid” his wife was. I immediately stopped him in the conversation and told him that I would not allow that type of disrespect in our organization. I also asked him “How stupid could she be, since she decided to marry you?” I don’t think he even realized he was making himself look bad as he criticized his wife.
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Our words reveal how we feel about our spouse in our heart. If our words are negative and critical, then we are not loving and respecting our spouse well. The more we let our mind focus on the negative qualities, the more seeds of bitterness and resentment are planted in our heart like weeds that grow out of control.
On the other hand, if our words are encouraging and uplifting, then we are practicing love and respect for our spouse the way God wants us to. Think about the things you love about your spouse and the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Focus your mind on the things your spouse does well. Speak in a complimentary way that builds up and displays the goodness of your spouse to others.
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)
When you are in public, resist the temptation to join the crowd and bash your spouse. Instead, share how wonderful your spouse is, how she cares for you, or how he does things for you. Be genuine. When you make it a habit to think about your spouse in positive ways and speak positively about your spouse, then you will build better intimacy in your relationship.
But wait! What about those times when you are having real trouble with your spouse or marriage and need someone to vent to? In my next post, I’ll tell you how we handle that.
