In realtionships, the little things often have the biggest impact.
We saw this in the military when the best leaders truly cared about the morale of the people in their unit and took steps to make that known to both the soldiers and their families. Maybe it’s with a family activity day at the park, or making sure the soldiers get enough time at home with the family.
In the business world, putting effort into employee appreciation can make a huge difference in employee turnover rates and the quality of work that gets done.
Everyone wants to feel appreciated.
I recently read an article about the CEO of a company that provides disaster recovery and property restoration services. Sheldon Yellen understands the value of showing appreciation to his employees and he makes it a top priority by handwriting birthday cards to every one of his 12,000 employees each year.
According to the article, “It’s a tradition that started back in 1985 when Yellen had a 19-person staff. The company grew to over 9,200 staff members in 34 countries, and Yellen kept writing his birthday cards for his employees. Currently, his team has expanded to more than 12,000 because of a recent acquisition, and you guess it, Yellen continues to write birthday cards for his now 12,000 employees.”
When Yellen was asked why he does it, he replied, “It lets people know and understand that they matter…and they feel remembered and valued.”
The results speak for themselves, and the employees clearly appreciate being acknowledged because Sheldon Yellon received 8,000 birthday cards from his employees on his 60th birthday.
Taking 30 seconds to write one card may not sound like much, but it adds up. If he spent 30 seconds on each card for all 12,000 employees, that’s 100 hours, or just over 4 days of his life that he spends doing that each year.
The little things add up in our marriage and family relationships too. Each small act of kindness, each thoughtful gesture, and every expression of appreciation all contribute to our emotional love bucket.
We all want to be seen, acknowledged, appreciated, connected with, and valued.
Sometimes the big, grand gestures seem more important. But it’s not the grand gestures that hold a relationship together. It’s the small things day after day that nurture affection.
It’s not to say that big things aren’t good too, but personally I’d rather have 100 little acts of love and kindness than I would a few big ones any day.
So, what does this look like in our daily lives with those living in our home?
Connecting with each other daily
- Send inside jokes, funny memes, or texts during the day to let each other know you are thinking about them
- Pay attention to hellos and goodbyes. Don’t be lazy – stop what you are doing for a minute and give them a proper hello or goodbye. See them off with a hug and kiss and wish them a good day. When they return home, go greet them at the door. Let them know you are glad to have them home. Ask about their day.
- Give a quick hug or touch on the arm as you walk past your spouse
- Put down your phone when your spouse or family member walks into the room and focus on them
- Remember special days – birthdays, anniversaries, important events (You have a calendar, use it)
- Spend quality time together – Take a walk, play a game, or cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie
Appreciating each other and minding your manners.
- “Thank You” – 2 little words that have such a huge impact! Hearing “thank you” makes others feel appreciated.
Say thank you for the little things, especially for the mundane things that we all do, and it feels like no one notices. Be intentional about looking for things each day to say thank you for. Even if it’s a job that had to get done anyway, saying thank you to the one who handled it is still important. Say thank you all the time. There’s nothing worse than feeling like your hard work went completely unnoticed.
“Thanks for taking out the trash, I appreciate it”
“Thanks for making the bed, it looks so nice”
“Thanks so much for cooking dinner, it was yummy”
“Thank for working so hard today to provide for our family”
“Thanks for taking such great care of our home” - Don’t forget to say “Please” too! Don’t boss them around. You are a team. Instead of, “We need more milk. Get that on your way home.”, say “Would you please stop by the store and grab milk on the way home? I’d really appreciate it.”
- Take it a step further and say some of those praiseworthy things in front of others!
“You know what he did last night? He cooked dinner and cleaned the kitchen so I could have time to take a bubble bath”
“Our daughter worked so hard helping us this weekend and she even made us fresh bread”
“My son took care of the yard for me because I had to work late”
“My wife takes such great care of me and always makes sure I have clean clothes and lunch for work”
- Give her flowers just because – a small bunch of grocery store flowers in a mason jar are perfect. This isn’t about the grand gestures, remember.
- Leave a “I love you because…” note for them
Serve each other
- Put away the clothes he left on the floor without complaining about it
- Wash the dishes she left in the sink because she was busy
- Make a cup of coffee or tea for him when you make your own
- Bring home her favorite candy bar
- Hand him a treat while he’s on that work call
- If one of you cooks, the other cleans the dishes
Each of these seems like a small thing, but when you add them all up, it becomes a bucket full of you and your spouse both feeling seen, acknowledged, appreciated, connected with, and valued.
Every one of these small actions tell your spouse or family member: “I care about you”, and when they know you truly care, they will feel safe and secure, and your relationship will thrive.
